‘Find Your Purpose’ Workshop Just Expensive Way to Discover You’re Having an Existential Crisis

The “Journey” Begins

In today’s booming self-help industry, nothing screams personal growth quite like paying $999 to realize you’re one bad PowerPoint slide away from a full-blown existential meltdown. Enter “Find Your Purpose™”, the latest overpriced workshop that promises enlightenment but mostly delivers awkward group activities, forced eye contact, and the creeping realization that maybe, just maybe, you don’t actually have a purpose.

Hosted in a dimly lit hotel conference room that smells vaguely of burnt coffee and crushed dreams, the workshop kicks off with an “intention-setting circle.” Participants, armed with nothing but overpriced journals and fragile hope, are instructed to share their life goals with strangers named Brad who claim to be “purpose coaches.”

“I thought I’d find clarity,” said attendee Jessica Soulsearch, clutching a vision board with nothing on it but the word ‘MORE’ in glitter glue. “Instead, I left with 17 pages of doodles, a vague sense of dread, and a recurring thought: What even is purpose?”

The Method: Faux-Deep Nonsense in Three Easy Steps

1. Write Down Your Dreams
   Because nothing says “authentic self-discovery” like jotting down “be happy” next to a poorly drawn stick figure.

2. Breakthrough Exercises
   Includes shouting affirmations at a wall and silently judging others for crying louder than you.

3. The Purpose Funnel™
   A totally legitimate framework where your deepest fears are “funneled” into a Venn diagram that suspiciously resembles a doodle from someone bored in algebra class.

The Realization Hits

By hour five, most participants have achieved a breakthrough—just not the kind advertised.

“I realized I don’t hate my job,” said one attendee. “I hate myself for thinking a $999 workshop would fix my life.”

Another confessed, “The only thing I discovered was that my ‘inner child’ is just as confused as my adult self.”

Final Thoughts: Purpose Sold Separately

Despite the existential unraveling, the workshop’s creators remain optimistic.

“Our goal is to guide people to the truth,” said founder Luna Awakening, whose real name is Debbie.
“And sometimes that truth is: You have no idea what you’re doing—and that’ll be another $499 for the advanced course.”

Purpose found? Not exactly. But if you’re looking for regret and a lighter wallet, this workshop is a spiritual jackpot.