Biohacker’s Morning Routine Now Includes 47 Supplements, Blood Panel, and Crying in Infrared Sauna

The Rise and Grind (and Gag on Pills)

Self-proclaimed biohacker Chad Quantum has officially taken “optimized living” to new heights—or depths, depending on your tolerance for absurdity. Chad’s meticulously crafted morning routine now consists of 47 supplements, a full blood panel analysis, and, naturally, a scheduled cry session inside his $12,000 infrared sauna. Because nothing screams peak performance like existential dread wrapped in red light therapy.

Chad’s day kicks off at 4:03 a.m. precisely, because apparently waking up at a normal time is for the metabolically inefficient. The first hour of his day includes:

• Dry brushing his skin to “stimulate the lymphatic system” (read: light exfoliation disguised as science).
• Oil pulling with imported yak butter to “detox the mouth,” though dentists suggest it mainly detoxes your wallet.
• Swallowing 47 supplements with names like NeuroZen Alpha-9 and Mitochondria Maxxx, because his body is basically an overpriced chemistry set.

“It’s all about stacking,” Chad explains. “Stacking nootropics, stacking habits, and apparently stacking unnecessary expenses.”

A Blood Panel Before Breakfast

By 5:15 a.m., Chad performs his daily DIY blood panel, because nothing says “zen morning” like stabbing yourself in the finger while half-conscious. The data—displayed on a dashboard more complex than the cockpit of a fighter jet—is used to adjust his supplement regimen in real-time.

“I noticed my magnesium levels dropped 0.02% yesterday, so I doubled my dose today,” Chad says proudly. “Sure, I now glow faintly in the dark, but that’s probably just peak cellular efficiency.”

The Crying Phase: Essential for Gains

After biohacking his bloodstream, it’s time for emotional optimization inside his infrared sauna—which he claims boosts detoxification and emotional resilience.

“I schedule a good 7-minute cry,” Chad admits, adjusting his Oura ring to track his tear rate. “It’s about releasing cortisol, or maybe it’s because I haven’t felt joy since 2017. Hard to tell.”

Final Thoughts

Despite the 4-hour routine, Chad insists it’s all worth it.

“People say I’m overdoing it,” he shrugs, swallowing another mystery capsule. “But can you really put a price on optimal living?”

His accountant confirmed: Yes. Yes, you can. It’s roughly $3,200 a month.