Wearable Device That Tracks Your Stress Levels Becomes Leading Cause of Stress, Study Finds

The Data Doesn’t Lie, But It Does Judge

In a plot twist absolutely no one saw coming (except literally everyone), a new study from the Institute of Obvious Outcomes has revealed that wearable devices designed to track stress are now the leading cause of stress. Yes, the very gadget meant to help you manage anxiety is the reason you’ve started stress-sweating through your eco-friendly activewear.

The study, conducted over six months with 500 participants, found that users experienced elevated stress levels every time their device vibrated ominously with a message like: “Your heart rate is dangerously high”—usually while they were just sitting quietly, scrolling through emails and silently resenting their coworkers.

Dr. Vera Panic, lead researcher on the study, explained the findings at a press conference:

“Participants reported feeling calm until their device politely informed them that they were, in fact, spiraling into a full-blown anxiety attack. This created a vicious cycle of stress about stress, which ironically proves the device is highly effective—just not in the way you’d hope.”

One user, 29-year-old Kevin “Stress Level Critical” McCoy, shared his harrowing experience:

“I didn’t even know I was stressed until my watch told me I was. Now, every time it buzzes, I wonder if it’s a notification or a countdown to my inevitable emotional collapse. Spoiler: It’s both.”

Features Designed to Ruin Your Day

The top stress-inducing features identified in the study include:

• The Passive-Aggressive Vibration: A subtle yet judgmental buzz that feels like your device is quietly disappointed in you.
• The “Relax Now” Alert: Nothing reduces stress like a random demand to “inhale deeply” while you’re in the middle of an existential crisis—or worse, a work meeting.
• Heart Rate Spike Notifications: Guaranteed to make your heart race even faster as you spiral into panic about why your heart is racing in the first place.

The Wellness Industry Responds

In response to the study, wellness tech companies defended their products.

“Our devices aren’t causing stress,” claimed a spokesperson for MindTrack Pro. “They’re simply revealing the stress that was already there. Like a mirror. A really judgmental, passive-aggressive mirror strapped to your wrist.”

Final Thoughts: Maybe Just Take a Nap

If you’re looking to reduce stress, experts recommend an ancient, revolutionary practice: taking the device off. Radical, we know. Because sometimes, the best way to relax is to stop getting notifications that remind you how bad you are at relaxing.